I Remember Things Differently
by smartkid37
Summary: Alternate ending to "Family First" – according to the cannon facts we've been fed through the years. After all, all they've ever done - is kiss. Not for TIVA fans!


**Written because 2 kisses between them does not a child make - Not enough cannon facts to make the ending they gave us believable.**

 **Episode Tags:** 'Jet Lag'[7.13] _'Past, Present and Future'_ [11.2] - _Extreme Prejudice_ _[10.1]_ _Recovery_ _[10.2] -_ _Shell Shock, Part II_ _[10.7]_

* * *

 _Jumbled images fill his mind in an endless parade:_

 _A building, engulfed in flames, the backdrop of surrounding landscape obviously that of Israel …._

 _The reporter saying no one has claimed responsibility._

 _Himself slowly pushing himself out of his chair as he realizes what that building is, as it hits him: it's the farmhouse where Ziva was supposed to be staying. Where he'd found her before. Where he'd kissed her. Just kissed her._

 _Staring at the news even longer as the reporter drones on about how the property turning to cinders belonged to former Mossad chief Eli David. He already knows that._

 _Dangling the pendant Ziva gave him when she left._

 _Finding out that the only person he could contact that might have direct contact with Ziva hasn't seen or spoken to her in over a year._

 _Hearing the reporter on screen say they pulled a survivor from the burning building ._

 _Saying under his breath, "I can't stay here."_

 _Gibbs agreeing with him and Tim immediately saying he's already booked him a flight to Israel._

 _Feeling like he's still in something of a fog as he turns and says if Ziva is alive, he has to go._

 _Gibbs saying he knows._

 _Feeling stuck with shock until Gibbs snaps, "Go!"_

…

 _Senior helping him pack, trying to help in his own typical way, but only making things worse_

 _The doorbell ringing, and assuming it's his ride to the airport._

 _Seeing Abby and Tim when he opens the door instead. Telling Abby and Tim that he's on the run._

 _Seeing their expressions and correctly interpreting them and forcing himself to say it out loud. "Ziva."_

 _Tim saying, "Vance got a call."_

 _Abby looking sad._

 _Dropping his bags, shaking his head slightly, then with glassy eyes, asking Tim, "Are we sure?"_

 _Tim holding his gaze, letting the pain in his own eyes answer for him._

 _Doubling over, bracing his hands on his knees as the wave of loss crashes through him - Sinking to the side of the bed._

 _Abby sitting next to him, cheek to his shoulder, telling him she's sorry,_

 _Tim rubbing a hand over his back._

 _Asking them do what Ziva would have done. Find Trent Kort. And kill him_

… _._

 _Returning to the Squad Room, taking a seat at his work station and determinedly gets to work, but repeatedly looking to Ziva's empty desk, remembering an image from the past, of her smiling at him from behind that desk._

 _Gibbs coming in and asking him what he's doing there_

 _Immediately shooting to his feet and angrily repeating the question, then going on a full-out tirade, exclaiming that if they know for a fact she's dead, then they_ _ **will**_ _get him._

 _Gibbs calmly agreeing that they will get him, but not Tony._

 _Refusing to go along with that. Saying, instead, that they've lost agents before and when they do, it's ALL HANDS ON DECK! Shouting this out while pounding his flat palms hard on his desk._

 _Gibbs compassionately telling him that Ziva was more than an agent to him._

 _Replying that she was a daughter to Gibbs, a sister to Tim and Abby, that she wasn't any more to him than she was to every one of them._

 _Shouting at Senior who comes in then, "Why are you following me?"_

 _Senior taking the shouting in stride and calmly answering back that he needs to come home with him._

 _Refusing to go along with that too, but finally choking out that he can't, that he needs to know what happened._

 _Senior saying he needs time, he needs to breathe._

 _Suddenly angry and saying that he'll breathe when Trent Cort is dead._

 _Hearing "But not like this," from his daad as he also tells him that he needs just one night, get his bearings._

 _Gibbs telling him that he should listen to Senior – and oh, so calmly telling him to go - or go for good."_

 _Being upset while he looks at Gibbs in disbelief._

 _Gibbs qualifying his meaning by saying, "I'm not asking. We got this,"_

 _Starting to crumble as the tears threaten to fall._

 _..._

 _Walking into MTAC as Monroe shakes her head while saying she knew it, that Kort was in the States the entire time._

 _Being asked why he's there and replying that Vance called him in._

 _Asking if Gibbs knows about Kort being in the U.S._

 _Being told yes – knowing it in his gut that he's also upstairs with Vance._

 _Telling Tim he's going to want all the details after his meeting with Vance_

 _Seeing Tim nod in reply_

 _Entering the office to find the current head of Mossad- Orli, whom he knows from past missions and has no love lost for._

 _Hearing her express her sincere condolences, explaining that many are grieving on her side as well._

 _Saying that the last he'd heard, she and Ziva weren't BFFs. Something about the new chief running off with the former chief, aka Ziva's dad._

 _Orli assuring him that she and Ziva mended many fences, and is certain that Ziva considered her a friend._

 _Firing back a response without a filter. "Friends don't let friends get hit by mortar fire."_

 _Orli telling him she didn't know._

 _Countering back at her that Mossad had to know Kort was still in the U.S._

 _Her saying they tracked it as far as knowing that Kort got Eli's personal files, but that they didn't expect the attack on Ziva._

 _Gibbs finally speaking, asking her if she'd gotten the killer_

 _Orli assuring him they're doing everything they can to find him._

 _Telling her that he'd be more inclined to believe her if she were still in Israel searching, rather than standing in Vance's office saying how sorry she is._

 _Orli calmly telling him she's there for a far more personal reason as she tells her people to "bring in Tali."_

 _Sharing that that was Ziva's deceased sister's name. (_ Tali]". _As he recalls that moment in time when Ziva attempted to purchase tickets to the opera but was unable due to it being sold out. Believing her to be going on a date, badgered her until she admitted that she went to the opera every year on her deceased sister's birthday, as Tali had wanted to be a singer. Unable to obtain tickets for her himself, he had made a CD of opera music and givens it to her to listen to and she had been very touched by that._

 _Orli nodding in agreements, saying Ziva's sister was her namesake._

 _Watching in shock as an agent comes in with a little girl, maybe 3 or 4 years old. Being told she was the survivor pulled from the farmhouse rubble. And that She is Ziva's daughter._

 _And his"_

 _Watching the toddler sleep in her stroller as Orli explains how she cried all the way over on the flight._

 _Continuing to stare at Tali with clear doubt running through his thoughts, as he asks if she is even old enough to understand what happened to her mother._

 _Being told that she only knows that her mother has gone away and that Ziva had stated that he is the only "biological possibility," in case he was wondering._

 _Feeling more certain now even as he says if Ziva had any doubts, that would explain why she didn't tell him._

 _Orli telling him that there is no doubt because while she looks like her mother, her eyes are all Tony._

 _Stating that if he'd known she was pregnant, he'd have gone to her._

 _Orli explaining that Ziva didn't tell him for precisely that reason, that she didn't want to disrupt his life more than she already had._

 _Retorting that it wasn't her decision to make – only to be reminded how Ziva was independent and didn't need a man to complete her,_

 _Silently still struggling with the fact that Ziva didn't even tell him._

 _That silence being broken with being told that Ziva came to regret that, but then couldn't figure out how to tell him so long after the fact. And that she'd known he wouldn't be pleased._

 _Smiling dryly with no humor whatsoever as he shakes his head in regret and says, "Then she never knew me at all." Feeling the hollowness in his heart that comes from that statement._

 _A sound at the door getting Tony up, to find Ellie, Abby, Tim and Jimmy all crowded on the other side._

 _Abby smiling as she asks if it's true, then askings if they can see Tali._

… _._

 _Playing with Tali at his apartment, being his charming comical self, making her laugh._

 _She is adorable._

 _Tali asking for "Khalif"._

 _Realizing he has no clue what she means – until she smiles as he snags the stuffed dog from the stroller and hands it to her, then starts digging around in the stroller, pulling out a scarf and burying his nose in it, breathing in Ziva's scent._

 _He recalls the scene on the tarmac, when they parted ways for good. Ziva telling him he's so loved. Them sharing that scorching kiss, that last moment he had with her._

 _Trying to feed Tali with Palmer there with him, asking if it's been a rough night._

 _Replying without thinking. "Screaming, tears, not to mention poor Tali here,"_

 _Palmer breaking out the homemade baked yams, and Tony attempting with minimal success to feed them to Tali._

 _The Autopsy Gremlin childproofing his kitchen for him without having been asked, talking about how much more aware he is of the potential dangers in everything now that he's a father, and how his job isn't at all dangerous like Tony's is._

 _Frowning as he thinks about what Jimmy's saying._

 _Jimmy asking him if he's coming back to work._

 _Immediately rolling his eyes and saying why wouldn't he be?_

 _Palmer saying that with him being a single dad and all now, that might change things since he might inot want to juggle being in the line of fire with being a single dad._

 _Assuring him he's been juggling his entire life._

 _Jimmy smiling and saying 'that's great'_

 _Noticing that the Autopsy Gremlin seems to be thinking as hard as he is about this._

 _Jimmy saying he's a firm believer in being happy, that kids mirror what they see, and when the Senior Field Agent takes over Gibbs' job, he'll be happy, and Tali will see that … …"_

… _.._

 _Walking at the park, pushing Tali in her stroller._

 _Tim walking with him as he brings him up to speed, saying they think nuclear expert Edgar might be Kort's next target._

 _Telling Tim he wants to know when they get close._

 _Sitting down on a park bench and Tim smiling at Tali, commenting on how much she looks like Ziva._

 _Tim asking him if he and Ziva were an item the whole time,_

 _Answering almost reluctantly" Yeah,"_

 _Tim asking why he never said_

 _Claiming he'd never kiss and tell while remembering that something is off about this._

 _Tim calling him on his b.s. after years of listening to it, "Sure you would."_

 _Leaving it at simply saying that he and Ziva had a connection – as he remembers a very fond farewell._

 _Tim reminding him of something said in times gone by. "A connection, sure. But Ziva always said you two could never be a couple because your dynamics were 'off'._

 _Confessing to his friend that he loved Ziva. – only for his friend to tell him, "I know you did."_

… _._

 _Back at home, his dad having tea with Tali_

 _Complaining moaning about having to brew actual tea and how Tali wouldn't have known if it was real tea or not._

 _His father calling him Daddy._

 _Asking him not to_

 _Being asked "Why not?" and being told to 'embrace it" and that "Tali is a DiNozzo all the way."_

 _Rubbing his face and mentioning the long day and his need for a shower._

 _His dad spilling the tea, asking for a wipe out of Tali's bag._

 _Finding the framed photo of him and Ziva on his motorcycle, prompting another flashback. This one in Paris and the enjoyable motor scooter ride they shared to the airport._

 _Tali pointing at_ _the picture and saying the Hebrew word for Mama and then her pointing at the picture again and identifying in Hebrew, her daddy as she smiles up at him – making it obvious that Ziva has taught Tali who her father was to the point that she recognizes him._

 _Tali smiling up at him, eyes shining._

 _Taking out the pendant and showing the little girli, telling her it belonged to her mama, and that now it belonged to Tali._

 _Putting the pendant around her neck, not caring of the chain's delicacy._

 _Taking a call from Tim and deciding, as he looks into Tali's eyes, - to join his team in the hunt for Kort – the person responsible for her mother's death._

… _..._

 _Kort standing still, hands raised as he turns around, looking at each one of them, as if daring them to shoot him while he's surrendering like this as he comments on how there are old friends, and new._

 _Kort interrupting himself to say directly to him that he had no idea Ziva was in the farmhouse – that it wasn't personal, strictly business._

 _Closing in on Kort as Tim says "It_ _ **is**_ _personal. It's Ziva."_

 _Telling Kort that Ziva was his family._

 _Seeing Kort make a sudden grab for his gun and having to shoot him._

 _Hearing the multiple gunshots as the rest of the team makes sure Kort's never getting up again._

… _._

 _Visiting Gibbs in his basement as the man sands his current boat._

 _Telling the boss that he wants to tell him why he was late getting to that scene with Kort._

 _Hearing his mentor tell him that he got there, and that's all that matters._

 _Telling the man that a few months ago, Gibbs had asked him if he wanted to be an agent anymore, catch bad guys. Now he knows the answer._

 _Gibbs telling him that he knows._

 _Tony asking if it's the Gibbs gut_

 _Gibbs telling him no -, that he thinks Tony has known for a while, only now he has a daughter to think of, so he can't just think about himself any longer._

 _Correcting him by saying "we" have a daughter,- knowing the man gets it that he means him and Ziva. Explaining further that when Tim called, he wasn't thinking about wanting Kort dead, he just wanted to take care of Tali. Everything in Tali's life was gone._

 _Hearing Gibbs agree with him with his answer. "Except you,"_

 _Reminding the man that he's everything to that little girl now, and he's never been anyone's everything before._

 _Gibbs nodding at him with a smile and the comment that he did show up._

 _Smiling back at the man with a nod and telling him Yes, he did. "In all kinds of ways."_

 _Telling the boss that – that's it. He's done. He's taking Tali to Israel, looking for some answers, then on to Paris, as Ziva loved Paris._

 _Gibbs nodding at him as he tells him, "You gotta do what you gotta do."_

 _Being able to smile as he tells the boss, "You gotta believe what you gotta believe."_

 _Putting out his hand, telling the man that he'd say thank you, "But it doesn't quite cover it, Boss."_

 _Gibbs putting down what he's holding and closing the distance between them to embrace him – telling him - to take care of himself and his family._

 _Being able to smile and say, "Copy that, Boss."_

 _Gibbs rubbing the back of his head where he'd so often smacked him instead._

 _Both of them smiing._

 _..._

 _Back in HQ, entering the elevator to find Abby already there, commenting she's in early._

 _Her telling him "Always,"_

 _Talking about Tali_

 _Abby stopping the elevator, cringing a little when it halts, saying she's never done that before._

 _Her telling him that he has to know Ziva loved him, that Ziva told her as much._

 _Hugging Abby,_

 _Reciting the oath of all NCIS agents as he says goodbye to Vance, to Ducky, to Palmer._

 _Tim in the Squad Room telling him that Gibbs has talked to them, they know what's up and asking him if he's serious, if he's sure._

 _Walking up to him and saying he has five words for him as he puts his hand out for a shake. Tim taking it as he calls the younger man' Very Special Agent Timothy McGee'. Hugging Tim._

 _Telling Bishop that as good an agent as she is, she's going to be even better one day,_

 _Hugging her too.._

 _Ellie asking him where he's going first._

 _Answering her "I'm going home. To see Tali."_

 _Turning, striding to the elevator, getting on it and turning around as the doors close on him for..._ **!"**

 **"TONY!"**

 **"Huh? What?"** Tony wipes the fog from his eyes and sits up at his desk. He gets to his feet, agitated and frustrated now as it hits him that his dream had taken in the ongoing news story on the to him. - the story being repeated for the second time

 _A building, engulfed in flames, the backdrop of surrounding landscape obviously that of Israel …. as we reported earlier this morning - when this first occurred - no one has claimed responsibility._

Immediately, he's taken back in time – to that house – and the moments he spent there with her:

 _"This is the house that you were born in! The universe is practically begging you to wipe the slate clean. I did notice that there's plenty of room on the back of this list… to start a new one. Maybe I could help you with that?"_

She searches his face.

 _"You don't have to do this alone. Come back to DC with me."  
"The first thing on my new list was, 'I will let go of the badge.'"  
"I'm not talking about NCIS. Listen, you can bag groceries for all I care. Just come home. I just want you to come home... with me."  
"I don't think that's a very…" she begins, but Tony grabs her arm.  
"Listen. I know it's hard." He's whispering, and blinking back his own tears. "And I know you want to change. I can change with you." He gently kisses her fingers.  
She looks at his face uncertainly, then pulls his face close to hers.  
"I'm fighting for you, Ziva," he whispers.  
"I know."_

Blinking, Tony returns to the here and now – and the anger that's rising up within him that someone's done this to Ziva, taken away practically the only thing she has left of her childhood and her memories of it – and in such a horrific way. Raising his voice, he asks his team. "Where are we with this? TELL me we've located Trent Kort! We _know_ he's behind this fire as sure as we know she's a survivor – nothing can take her down. "

"Tony!"

Ignoring Tim's urgent attempt to get his attention, Tony keeps going, his voice strong and firm, not taking no for an answer. "No WAY she'd let herself get taken out like that! She's a survivor! She's fine! She was NOT there! I know it!"

"We've got you a flight…." Tim attempts to inform him but is interrupted.

"McGee! If I was _going_ to run off to be with Ziva, I'd have done that already! I've known where she was all along! And if they're still trying to flush her out now, the _l_ _ast_ thing I need to do is go find her – I'll be leading them right to her! She's a survivor! She'll be fine – so long as we don't get in her way!" Tony takes calming breaths as he drops back down into his chair. His brain is in overdrive. He has no doubt about her surviving the fire. But, w _hy the vivid dream that's as far from possible as he can get? Seriously? A child with Ziva?_

 _C'mon! The two kisses they've shared through the years does NOT a child make! Besides, she wouldn't have kept any child from him! She knows him better than that!_

Thinking back to those kisses now, he can't help but smile softly. His memory is so sharp with both of those kisses, he'll never forget them!

***Flashback****

 _Tony, immaculately dressed, tips a hotel bell-boy and watches him leave. "What do you think?" he calls._

 _Ziva is dressed in an evening gown and walks in from an outdoor patio. "Not bad, I guess" she says of the swanky hotel room._

 _It's a large high-end suite and Tony raves about the amenities. As he chortles over the list of 200 cable channels, Ziva steps in front of him, closes the television cabinet and takes the end of his tie in her hand. She backs up towards the bed, pulling Tony by his tie and watches him with a sultry smile._

 _"I take it you're not interested in the premium channels," Tony smiles._

 _"There's only one thing I'm interested in," Ziva says in a husky voice, still looking him directly in the eyes. They kiss passionately as Ziva loosens her skirt. It falls to the floor._

 _****End Flashback****_

Tony shakes his head. He'd pulled his head out of his ass in time to not let it go further that night. He remembers thinking that that they weren't technically alone since they had a back up team listening in in MTAC and they _were_ working a case - a _dangerous_ case. But he also remembers thinking he'll never forget that kiss - the first kiss between them ever. He huffs a quiet laugh as he reminds himself that he'll never forget the second one, either - the one they shared the last time he saw her:

 _She speaks gently. "Tony. You are so…"_  
 _He steps close to her. "Handsome?" he prompts. "Funny? What?"_  
 _"Loved."_  
 _They look - they kiss - they part._  
 _"Okay," he says, still holding her head. "This is not easy."_  
 _She smiles at him, a tear coursing down her cheek._  
 _He backs away from her. "The hardest 180 of my life," he says, still walking backwards towards the plane._  
 _He turns and walks up the back ramp of the aircraft._  
 _At the top, he stops and looks back at her._  
 _She smiles bravely through her tears._  
 _He waves and steps into the plane._  
 _Her smile fades._

He remembers several other times they could have kissed and more but did nothing at all.

Like the time he and she were stuck in the elevator together after the explosion in NCIS thanks to Dearing:

***Flashback****

 _ **Tony**_ _:_ _[holding Ziva up on his shoulders as she bangs on the escape hatch]_ _I'm so glad we broke protocol and took the elevator. Who's bright idea was that anyway?_

 _ **Ziva**_ _: What?_

 _ **Tony**_ _:_ _Xenia Onatopp_ _, the Bond villain from_ _GoldenEye_ _._ _Famke Janssen_ _. She would kill men by squeezing her well-shaped, muscular thighs._ _[cringes as Ziva squeezes his neck]_

 _ **Ziva**_ _: I could think of worse ways to die._ _[pushes on hatch]_ _I am almost there! We're stuck!_

 _ **Tony**_ _: Keep pushing, thigh master. I'm starting to enjoy this._

 _ **Ziva**_ _: Something is blocking it. It is jammed. They're going to have to open it from the outside._ _[slides down Tony's back as the elevator shifts]_ _We slipped._

 _ **Tony**_ _: Did we? I thought the earth moved._

 _ **Ziva**_ _: It's been hours, Tony. I cannot take much more of this._

 _ **Tony**_ _: What's that supposed to mean? I suppose it is getting a little_ _ripe_ _in here._

 _ **Ziva**_ _: I'm not ripe! You, on the other hand, are pungent!_

 _[They sit in silence but are startled at a knock, then the doors open]_

 _ **Abby**_ _:_ _[shoves the fireman out of the way]_ _There you are!_

 _ **Ziva**_ _: Abby, I've never been more happy to see your gorgeous face._

 _ **Abby**_ _: You guys must be ready to kill each other_

 _****End Flashback****_

He remembers trying to get closer to her by opening up to her in the days following that nightmare.

He remembers accusing Ziva of sleeping with an old friend while in Israel, and approaching her about the accusation, she admits that it was a "moment of weakness" because she felt alone.

He remembers the hurt he felt in that moment and his response to her.

 _"My Hebrew must not be as good as I thought because I could've sworn when I dropped you off at the airport, I told you, you are not alone."_

He remembers Ziva telling him that she remembered that. And he remembers saying, just before walking away from her, that they must have different interpretations. He also remembers confronting Parsons later that same day, demanding that Ziva be left alone and calling her his best friend.

With a sigh, Tony blinks as he recalls how the tension remained between them until Ziva privately apologized to him – heck, he even remembers, word for word, the apology she gave him.

" _I'm sorry if I hurt you in all of this, It was never intended. Tony, I care too much about our...friendship. I do not want it to be awkward between us."_

The memory of him kissing her forehead and assuring her that "nothing is awkward between friends" in response to her attempt to fix things between them– brings back a smile to his face now. It also brings back the pain of her absence – of her refusing to come back with him.

Suddenly, he feels old. He feels like he's outstayed his welcome; his fit. He feels – like it's time to move on- like he should find the exit. He has to leave at some point and right now feels right.. His soul feels lighter and his breath easier as he mentally holds onto that thought, letting it firm up and take hold in his mind.

 _ ********NCIS********_

In Gibbs' kitchen, he twists the top from a bottle of beer and presses the cold bottle against his temple as he explains to the boss. I should've left years ago, but I was having so much fun I overstayed my welcome horribly - like that guest who won't leave and keeps digging into your fridge. Already told the others I'm not coming back. Got through that earlier while you were MIA with Ducky."

Gibbs nods at him as he tells him, "You gotta do what you gotta do."

Tony smiles as he tells the boss, "You gotta believe what you gotta believe."

Putting out his hand, he tells his mentor "I'd say thank you, but it doesn't quite cover it, Boss."

Gibbs puts down what he's holding and closes the distance between them to embrace him – telling him - to take care of himself.

Tony smiles and says, "Copy that, Boss."

Gibbs rubs the back of his head where he'd so often smacked him instead.

Both of them smile and then Tony turns to head out, halted by the ringing of Gibbs' cell phone.

Gibbs looks at him as he presses the key to answer the phone and hits the speaker for the call. "Hey, Ziver."

" _Gibbs. I wanted to let you know that I am fine. I am safe."_

"Good."

" _Gibbs please, let it go. There is nothing to avenge. Kort has been dealt with and no one else needs to get hurt."_

"Ziva…"

" _Gibbs, please. So long as you let it go. I will be fine. I can take care of myself and I will stay safe."_

"You'd better!"

" _Please. Tell Tony, I am sorry I did not return with him – but I could not."_

"He knows, Ziver. He knows."

" _Perhaps. But I do not believe he understands that I still cannot stop searching for who I am. Who I am supposed to be. It would be easier if I were a wife or even a mother, but I am not. I am alone – despite what Tony believes. It is how it needs to be."_

"You don't have to be alone, Ziva." Gibbs interrupts her. "We've got your back."

" _Thank you, Gibbs. However, it is not safe for me there any longer. Before I go, I need to ask you a favor._

"Anything."

" _Please tell McGee that I did not mean to hurt him by not saying goodbye to him when I left. He has always been a good friend to me and I realized much later that it must have hurt that I spoke to all of you except him when I left."_

"I'll tell him."

" _Thank you. Goodbye Gibbs."_

"Bye, Ziver." The Team Leader snaps his phone shut and watches for Tony's reaction.

Tony smiles – his face lit up with it. "Don't you love it when I'm right?"


End file.
